Nude for Satan

Sexploitation week continues at the Hell-A-Go-Go!

If exploitation trades in sleaziness via horrific acts of violence perpetrated against its characters; sexploitation is the same, albeit replacing horrific acts of violence with copious amounts of boobies. The horror of it all! The normally omnipresent sleaziness of exploitation is ramped up. Less voyeurism and more exhibitionism; sexploitation is the attention whore of the exploitation sub-mode.

I'm not sure I can tell you anything about this movie that an astute reader would not be able to glean from the title. Nude for Satan comes from that magical land of rip-off B-movies and interminable sleaze: Italy. It's about time I've reviewed an Italian movie on this site.



A little background: For any Fellini (or watchable, it doesn't even have to be that great) film that comes out of the magical boot-like country famous for pasta and plumbers, there are at least 3,000 pieces of crap that come down the pipe. No exaggeration. Italian exploitation is definitely different from the American style of grindhouse film making that has been the showcase of this site so far (both exploitation and B-movie). Italian shock movies rarely make sense. I'm not talking about "stream-of-consciousness," "fragmented story-telling," or "non-linear plotting." I'm talking straight-up ineptitude on the part of the film makers that result in a movie that makes little to no (usually the no) sense at all. A complete break down of any sort of narrative flow.

But this is why Italian exploitation is loved.



Nude for Satan is the prototypical Italian schlock fest. I can't even tell you about the story: Four people are stranded or lost or whatever; they come across an old castle and decide to take shelter in its Gothic embrace. There they meet doppelgangers, evil version of themselves I suppose, that lead them down twisted corridors that end nowhere, entice the foursome to engage in orgies and seduction, and just generally fuck around. It's all part of some Satanic ritual nonsense. There are ghosts too. I think.

It doesn't matter; the story does not matter and should not be considered. There's no linear or narrative progression on screen: shit just happens. The entire point in watching this movie is to witness ineptitude on a scale unseen since Ed Wood movies. I'm not going to waste time going on about how the shots are bad, the boom mike makes several appearances, or the acting is non-existent. For most of the movies on this site these aspects are assumed anyway. Nope, one scene does this movie justice and encompasses the amount of ineptitude I'm describing.



Lead actress Rita Calderoni (the only aspect this movie did well was casting her; feel like watching a curvy, buxom Italian woman run down stone corridors naked? Calderoni delivers) has just been sent screaming from her bedroom after an attack by a doppelganger or something. Regardless the reason, she's fleeing down a stone corridor wearing naught but an open robe (see?). During this impromptu sprint, our Satanically nude heroine is tripped up by a trap door and tumbles head first into a gigantic spider web and is set upon by (what else?) a gigantic spider.

It's the details that make this scene really shine. Instead of a thrilling, creepy spider-web, Calderoni (I don't know the characters name, it's something Italian) finds her self entwined in what looks like large strands of yarn. The knots holding the "web" together are even visible. She's not really trapped either, instead holding on for dear life as two extras shake the web to give the impression that Calderoni is struggling. The spider is the coup de grace. It has two eyes. Not compound or multiple eyes that spiders are known for, but two eyes with two pupils and two irises. It's also made out of paper mache, sits on a stick that makes an appearance now, and again and has not eight, but six legs that look like pipe cleaners. Watching Calderoni struggle as this thing attacks her: comedy gold. I hope she got paid a lot but I'm sure she didn't.



There's not much more to say about Nude for Satan. If the above scene tickles your fancy, give this flick a rent, if not I'm sure there would be too much ineptitude to even be worth a watch. To present one last half-argument as to the quality of this pic: in the 1970s these strange exploitation films were Italy's greatest exports (not substantiated). A lot of them were produced. Nude for Satan is so terrible it only made seven thousand dollars during its theatrical run. An exploitation movie from 1974 that failed to make a profit in Italy. Hard times indeed.

** out of ****